Sometimes I really feel like I have the good, ol’ fashioned “cooties”.
You know the ones. Where pretty much anyone you are associated with all of a sudden, just does not want to be around you or acknowledge you or anything. People stop calling, or emailing. You are there, but not really.
Sometimes I think it’s because I’m a mom. Then I think, it’s because I’m a single mom. I am kinda, well, “stuck”. I can’t go out on the spur of a moment. I can’t get completely wasted & party the night away, like I used to. Because, I have: responsibilites.
Sometimes, it really sucks having to be an adult. 😦
I do feel that I have come to the “end” of my time here in Idaho. I have done pretty much everything I could do here.
I’ve had numerous jobs. Mostly, dead-end.
I’ve had numerous relationships. Mostly, dead-end.
And, I never could really, truly “picture” myself being here long-term or being 100% happy. It just never fit.
It was either going back to California or somewhere completely new & different. And, that’s how I plan on living my life. I will know it when it’s right.
I am a person who thrives on the excitement and thrill of life. My mom once said to me, “Domestically, you will never be happy.” She was right. I am domestically-challenged. I won’t ever be a housewife or someone’s “property”. I will always want to travel the World, see new things, experience life & also, encourage my daughter to do the same.
There is more to life than a white picket fence. Trust me. There really is.
But, on an up note: I wouldn’t be who I am without having lived here for the past 15 years. Just as I wouldn’t be who I am if I had never been a runaway in Hollywood or had awful, tramatic, nightmare-ish things happen – everything that happens makes you YOU.
journal of ardency 