Happy January!
Now more than ever, I miss California. The weather here has been freeeeeeeeeezing cold. I don’t do well in cold. Ever. Especially anything below 65 degrees. I’d rather stab my eyes out with a fork than be cold.
In spite of that, things have been great. Berlyn is doing so amazing in school. She can read, write and is such a conversationalist. I wish others could hear her sometimes – she is hysterical. Within the last few days, these have been a few of our personal convos/interactions:
This weekend –
Berlyn, singing “We are never ever, ever getting back together..”
Me: “NOT IN THIS HOUSE!”
Berlyn, gets quiet. Starts singing “Miss Murder” by AFI.
Last week –
Berlyn “Hey Mom, do you know the ‘Exorcist 2: The Heretic’?”
Me: “Um…yessss. Why, do YOU?”
Berlyn: “Yep. I saw the preview. It looks cheesy.”
My mom: “Can I borrow ‘The Parent Trap?”
Me: “Of course.”
Berlyn: “WHY do they make PARENT TRAPS?!”
Hahahahahaha!
Other than being a Mommy, which is still my favorite thing in the World; I have been processing a lot of thoughts and ideas. I’ve started writing again, I have a love affair with music again (thanks to Davey Havok), and…..*drumroll* – I have even considered the pros and cons of living a straight edge and vegan (or, more realistically, a vegetarian) lifestyle.
Now, I know…this probably sounds way too extreme. But, the thing about me that most don’t know? I mull things over for a long while. Sometimes years…then, when I make a decision people think I’m being “impulsive.” Truth is, I maybe just haven’t vocalized it or discussed it with anyone so it seems so sudden. My brain is always in motion. If you had the number of thoughts/ideas *I* have in one day, you’d be exhausted.
Pertaining to the straight edge lifestyle – I’ve been on this path, mentally, for awhile now. Some may remember last year I attempted to detox my body of alcohol, cigarettes and bad food. (see this post). This is a constant thought for me – I think about it every other day. I want desperately to be rid of those substances and toxins but, it always falls back to being a “habit.” Ugh.
Regarding the vegetarian/vegan topic. Truth be told, I have never, ever been a meat fan. And a small part of me has always felt guilt, disgust, etc. towards consuming animals. I have considered it in the past and truly felt it wouldn’t be all that hard for me to put into effect. Even better would be exposing Berlyn to this lifestyle early on and saving her from some of the unhealthy things that run rampant in our country these days. Nutrition is super important of course, and the argument that meat is NECESSARY to a person’s diet is ridiculous. I may not be as “educated” as some but, why should that even matter? You feel what you feel and that’s what should drive you – especially when it’s to change something for the better. Duh.
Berlyn came home with this book just last week. I was pretty stunned…..I rarely discuss “diet” or “health” with her because I’m not the best example – which, I am ashamed of. But, it made me proud. And, it gave me encouragement that perhaps I was on the right path in thinking we needed to make a drastic change to our lifestyles and health.
It’s always fascinating to me how things come together or start to take shape in my life. Little clues start popping up and then, one day, it’s staring me in the face. Several months ago, Davey Havok, the singer of AFI, became a fixture in my life. I didn’t understand why exactly, other than his obvious good looks, good music and positive attitude. That’s enough really, but when I found out more – I was so intrigued, I could barely sit still. It became more and more apparent that he was inspiring me in the RIGHT direction(s) and that excited(es) me beyond words.
Bottom line: Why disrespect your body?
For me, cigarettes, alcohol and unhealthy things have always been there. I have used the same excuses for years; ‘I can’t stop’. ‘I enjoy these things’. ‘They help me cope/relieve my stress’. ‘It’s not that harmful’. Or, my favorite one: ‘At least I’m not doing hard drugs’. Haha, what a crock. I’ve even found myself trying to negotiate with myself, ‘I can just quit one, and keep doing the other.’ Um, newsflash Einstein – they’re both bad.
The concept of someone abstaining from all those things just baffled me. I felt surely they had to have the willpower/self-control of a superhero. Or, a freak….lol.
My brother is a perfect example of this. He IS straight edge without even realizing he is. He has never touched drugs, alcohol or cigarettes – and even crazier than that? He has zero desire. It just has never appealed to him.
At the end of the day, it’s all in your mentality – and choosing not to be driven or seduced by these things. People quit smoking or change their diets all the time. Telling yourself you can’t do it….well, that’s just being lazy or being a coward.
Why NOT live the cleanest, healthiest, purest life you can? I’m out of excuses.
journal of ardency 