2013….so far, so good.

Happy January!

Now more than ever, I miss California. The weather here has been freeeeeeeeeezing cold. I don’t do well in cold. Ever. Especially anything below 65 degrees. I’d rather stab my eyes out with a fork than be cold.

In spite of that, things have been great. Berlyn is doing so amazing in school. She can read, write and is such a conversationalist. I wish others could hear her sometimes – she is hysterical. Within the last few days, these have been a few of our personal convos/interactions:

This weekend –

Berlyn, singing “We are never ever, ever getting back together..”
Me: “NOT IN THIS HOUSE!”
Berlyn, gets quiet. Starts singing “Miss Murder” by AFI.

Last week –

Berlyn “Hey Mom, do you know the ‘Exorcist 2: The Heretic’?”
Me: “Um…yessss. Why, do YOU?”
Berlyn: “Yep. I saw the preview. It looks cheesy.”

My mom: “Can I borrow ‘The Parent Trap?”
Me: “Of course.”
Berlyn: “WHY do they make PARENT TRAPS?!”

Hahahahahaha!

Other than being a Mommy, which is still my favorite thing in the World; I have been processing a lot of thoughts and ideas. I’ve started writing again, I have a love affair with music again (thanks to Davey Havok), and…..*drumroll* – I have even considered the pros and cons of living a straight edge and vegan (or, more realistically, a vegetarian) lifestyle.

Now, I know…this probably sounds way too extreme. But, the thing about me that most don’t know? I mull things over for a long while. Sometimes years…then, when I make a decision people think I’m being “impulsive.” Truth is, I maybe just haven’t vocalized it or discussed it with anyone so it seems so sudden. My brain is always in motion. If you had the number of thoughts/ideas *I* have in one day, you’d be exhausted.

Pertaining to the straight edge lifestyle – I’ve been on this path, mentally, for awhile now. Some may remember last year I attempted to detox my body of alcohol, cigarettes and bad food. (see this post). This is a constant thought for me – I think about it every other day. I want desperately to be rid of those substances and toxins but, it always falls back to being a “habit.” Ugh.

Regarding the vegetarian/vegan topic. Truth be told, I have never, ever been a meat fan. And a small part of me has always felt guilt, disgust, etc. towards consuming animals. I have considered it in the past and truly felt it wouldn’t be all that hard for me to put into effect. Even better would be exposing Berlyn to this lifestyle early on and saving her from some of the unhealthy things that run rampant in our country these days. Nutrition is super important of course, and the argument that meat is NECESSARY to a person’s diet is ridiculous. I may not be as “educated” as some but, why should that even matter? You feel what you feel and that’s what should drive you – especially when it’s to change something for the better. Duh.

Berlyn came home with this book just last week. I was pretty stunned…..I rarely discuss “diet” or “health” with her because I’m not the best example – which, I am ashamed of. But, it made me proud. And, it gave me encouragement that perhaps I was on the right path in thinking we needed to make a drastic change to our lifestyles and health.

It’s always fascinating to me how things come together or start to take shape in my life. Little clues start popping up and then, one day, it’s staring me in the face. Several months ago, Davey Havok, the singer of AFI, became a fixture in my life. I didn’t understand why exactly, other than his obvious good looks, good music and positive attitude. That’s enough really, but when I found out more – I was so intrigued, I could barely sit still. It became more and more apparent that he was inspiring me in the RIGHT direction(s) and that excited(es) me beyond words.

Bottom line: Why disrespect your body?

For me, cigarettes, alcohol and unhealthy things have always been there. I have used the same excuses for years; ‘I can’t stop’. ‘I enjoy these things’. ‘They help me cope/relieve my stress’. ‘It’s not that harmful’. Or, my favorite one: ‘At least I’m not doing hard drugs’. Haha, what a crock. I’ve even found myself trying to negotiate with myself, ‘I can just quit one, and keep doing the other.’ Um, newsflash Einstein – they’re both bad.

The concept of someone abstaining from all those things just baffled me. I felt surely they had to have the willpower/self-control of a superhero. Or, a freak….lol.

My brother is a perfect example of this. He IS straight edge without even realizing he is. He has never touched drugs, alcohol or cigarettes – and even crazier than that? He has zero desire. It just has never appealed to him.

At the end of the day, it’s all in your mentality – and choosing not to be driven or seduced by these things. People quit smoking or change their diets all the time. Telling yourself you can’t do it….well, that’s just being lazy or being a coward.

Why NOT live the cleanest, healthiest, purest life you can? I’m out of excuses.

Thanksgiving / Birthday Fun

Every year, most everyone is thankful for the same things. Family, friends, their job, their freedom…etc. These, I too am most thankful for. But this year I also added in I was thankful for “men that wear eyeliner.”

LMAO!

I had a good laugh over it, even my Mom had to crack a joke. Hey, life is too short to be so damn serious – sheesh!

Our Thanksgiving this year was a special one. My uncle from California was here, my aunt attended as well and I have never laughed as much as I did this time…I finally feel such a sense of peace and harmony when it comes to family – I am so thankful. No drama here!

The following day was my 33rd birthday. I spent the day watching “I Love Lucy”, painting fingernails and relaxing with my little girl. And the night before, our tree was put up – bring on Christmas!

My birthday was yet another day of laughter, good food and quality time with my family, creating memories. One of my relatives even said to me (I was wearing a skull shirt) that I was the only person she knew that could carry that off. I’ll take that compliment, lol! =)

I am not even sweating over the fact that I am 33. I could care less. My uncle asked me if I felt older…I thought about it; and said “No! Actually, I feel very young lately…” I am thankful for my youth and no matter how old my body gets…..I’ll always be a teenager at heart. Bhahahaha!

The highlight of the past 2 days was that my Mom got a brand new camera and some pretty awesome pics came as a result. I think Berlyn and I even got a Christmas pic for our card this year!

I bought these socks for my Dad and brother while in Texas – I was pleased with their reactions…

My brother is a proud owner of a crotch-rocket!

The Fonz!

Our Family “Gang” Pic: LOL! My Dad turned his back, and my brother’s face is killing me…

Bet y’all didn’t know I was 321, huh? See…I am a vampire.

My Princess and I, 11-22-12 ❤

Texas & Ryan Gosling.

Heyyyy, y’all!

I’m back from my incredible visit to Texas. (Actually, I’ve been back for 2 weeks and just now getting to blog about it…life is crazy!) My trip lasted 10 days and was more than I would’ve hoped for. It doesn’t hurt that my best friend is AMAZING. She was the best hostess ever and made my visit so enjoyable.

Oh, and Ryan Gosling, you say? Yeah, I saw him.

Anyways, now that I’m back, I just want to go back. Or move there permanently, like I wanted to do 3 years ago. But, it’s not in the cards…as of yet. At least I can always plan on an annual trip!

What happened? Well, besides the nice Ryan Gosling sighting, I enjoyed 10 days with my soul sista: relaxing, eating a ton of delicious breakfast tacos, mexican food and BBQ, checking out the local haunts (including The Continental Club to see The SuperCreeps, a David Bowie cover band – this is where we spotted Mr. Gosling), listening to KUT Austin, a ton of successful vintage shopping, laser tag/go-carts, getting tattooed, checking out a night of improv, celebrating Halloween with both a party AND a big screen showing of “The Exorcist 2” – don’t. ask. And a quick stop at Ginny’s Chicken Shit Bingo (which, is exactly what it sounds like it is…think about it…) – we even managed to watch countless episodes of 2 of our favorite TV shows – “Freaks & Geeks” and “True Blood”….and I can’t forget to mention spending some quality time with her animal children, Rio, Jinx and Nina S ❤

*I’m sure most of you living in the Northwest, where I live, can hate me for enjoying 10 days of 75-85 degree weather at the end of October. I relished it; especially since I left and came back to 30-40 degree weather. Blah!

After I’d been there for about 2 days, my best friend said “We still have a week – let’s pace ourselves.” She had a point – we did so much, I came back 1000% more tired than when I left.

But, it was so worth it. I loved every minute. And, I concluded very quickly, I could be a Southern girl just like that…. *snaps*!

Here are some pics! There were A LOT, so hence, the collages.

Going out….

Ginny’s Chicken Shit Bingo:

An afternoon at Austin Parks:Shopping, sight-seeing…

Me!:

Halloween Party-time:

Halloween Night, downtown Austin:

Animal Family ❤

Out n’ About in the Neighborhood:

Food and Drinks!:

AGE IS JUST A NUMBER

My “30-teens” are in full force these days and I couldn’t be happier.

Last Monday night, I went to a rock show. Here’s the back story…

In June, my brother came over to hang out. I rarely see my brother but, am always so happy when I do. We are one of those brother/sister combos’ who a) never fight b) actually like each other and c) are best friends. And, d) he’s cool and I’m cool 😉

We were on youtube one night and I was showing him random videos. I am a big KISS fan (yeah, go ahead and judge me…I dare ya), and all of a sudden, he said “Have you seen Ronnie Radke?”

Uh, no I have not. “Never heard of the guy” is what I said. My brother prefaces this with “He killed someone.” Curiosity piqued! SHOW ME! (he actually did not kill someone, FYI.)

So, he pulls up a video and I am pretty much done for.

If you have never been a fan-girl, or obsessive over rock stars then you have nothing to compare what I felt to , well…what I felt. It’s LIKE BEING ON CRACK, TIMES…ONE MILLION.

Love at first sight. Or, lust – to be accurate. Total obsession, compulsion, and all that crazy stuff. I saw this guy and I was right back in my bedroom at 12 years old, with my angst, my hormones and slobbering over my Motley Crue posters.

Yikes, like, this guy was H-O-T!!!! I thought I would internally combust when I saw him sing/gyrate/stand there. So gorgeous.

That’s where it starts. Of course I do my “research” and find out the guy is not only 5 years younger than me (gross, haha!) he is in and out of prison and a total train-wreck. Add to that, he’s a Sagittarius, like me.

IN LOVE. BAM!

What was ironic about my new crush was the fact that just a month or so later, they announced a tour and I snatched up two VIP tickets to their Boise show. The timing of this was unreal. Either I miss shows all the time by my favorite entertainers (because I’m not paying attention) or they just don’t stop in Idaho.

Obviously, I was meant to go to this show 😉 Naturally, I took my sister in law because this is her “kind of music” LOL (emo) but, I have the massive crush on the singer, not her. So, really she was doing me a favor since there was to be a “Meet and Greet” with the band before the show.

I was nervous as all hell. I had to laugh at myself but, really it made me smile. Moments like that make life worth living. Creating memories, being a goofball.

The “Meet and Greet” lasted all of 3 minutes. I said hello/thank you to each of the 5 members and I basically saw God when I looked into Ronnie Radke’s eyes (twice). That man is just BEAUTIFUL. I could barely function after that but, I managed.

I soon noticed that I was one of the oldest people there. The fanbase for Falling in Reverse and Ronnie is more or less 13 year old girls (which, mentally, I am anyways)…and I found myself chatting with 2 ladies who were moms of 14 year old girls (and were embarrassed to be there). One was 34, the other was 36. They stated their girls had gotten good grades so they brought them to the show. I said, “Oh…well, I’m here for me. Have you seen that singer?”

They stared at me blankly, and I could hear crickets. Hahahahaha.

In addition to all the “Ronnie Madness”, my sister in law and I enjoyed each other’s company immensely. We always do though. She is one of my best friends and she makes me laugh like a hyena.

I had my KISS cigarette lighter with me and I handed it to her and said “Name them.” She stared at it intently and said, “Gene………..?” Then stared again for a long time, concentrating. “Cat man….star man.” I was dying.

Once back inside, one of the opening acts was kinda weird….and she said “This band is strange. And I’ve seen Skinny Puppy!”

The night wasn’t complete without us yelling “YOLO!” at each other, my sis in law getting into a heated political discussion with 2 guys and me screaming at Ronnie to take his damn shirt off (he did.)

Great night ❤

Fall Fun!

I am going to attempt to capture all the goings-on in the last little while, though, I’ll probably leave some stuff out. Life has been moving at such a fast pace lately – sheesh!!

So, what have I done lately?

LOTS!

My job has offered me many great opportunities. One of which, is that I get to work for an amazing woman AND a wonderful company/cause. Celebrating my ONE YEAR anniversary this month!

My co-workers and I got to participate/attend a 1920s Mystery Dinner several weeks ago. SO FUN. My boss was in character the whole evening as a “showgirl” and we all knocked back a few gin n tonics while dressed in our best 20s attire.

Can you say, sassy ?! 😉

The next morning, my Mom and I participated in the Annual NAMI Walk, and this year my Aunt Wendy and best friend, Ivy joined us. {Berlyn was with her daddy that weekend.} I did a 5K! I hadn’t even planned on it, but, once we got going, it just made sense to finish. It felt so good!

That evening, I went to Haunted World for the first time in about 4 years. The last time, was rather….eventful {see this old post}. Can I just say how much I LOVE my sister in law? Like, seriously. I laugh harder than I ever have when she is around. Such great times! Oh my, the jokes we share, I couldn’t possibly share them all (or any of them, for that matter – because they are highly inappropriate, lol.)

By the end of the night, we were professing our love for each other, because, honestly even if she wasn’t married to my brother, she’d still be my “sister.” ♥

A few weeks ago, my Mom and I took Berlyn to the Idaho Botanical Gardens for Bug Day! {She even got to wear a bee suit.}

Berlyn just had her “picture day” at school. I am anxiously awaiting the results….god knows MY kindergarten picture was atrocious. But something tells me, Berlyn’s will be just fine. She’s such a cutie patootie – and, no, I’m not biased at all. (lol)

That’s all, for now!

Stay tuned though. This next week I’m attending that rock concert I’ve been freaking out over (EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!) *hottie alert*

AND…..

….my trip to TEXAS is right around the corner! I get THIS beautiful gal all to myself!

 

Fall is Almost Here!!!

Hi everyone!

Wow, have we been busy over here.

Berlyn started kindergarten last week. Can I just say, I feel kinda….old? I wasn’t as prepared for it as I thought I would be. I just can’t get my head around the fact that my BABY is in school! She didn’t have a meltdown or anything. She’s so independent and mature, I love it! More than that, she is such a happy little girl – always laughing, singing, smiling. I feel a little bit of pride over how good of a job I am doing 😉

As for me? I am working hard at work, seeing friends and family when I can, and am very much single. Yep, you heard me right. What I’ve been focusing mostly on? Me. Inspiration seems to just come barreling out of nowhere sometimes. I get a little down, start to feel stuck and, then…BOOM POW!!!!

Creativity and ideas knock me upside my head.

The other day, I posted this on my Twitter:

“I’ve come to realize my only focus/goal lately is to a) HAVE FUN and b) LAUGH. That’s it.”

How wonderful that it really is this simple. I have been going full speed ahead for the past year or so with responsibility, maturity, hard work and (mostly) good behavior…haha. Sometimes a girl just needs to let loose and have some FUN!

No shortage of laughs either. As usual, anytime I spend time with my sister-in-law, hysterical laughter is sure to be had. I can’t divulge what was so funny on Sunday night (because she would kill me) but, let’s just say….I might’ve peed a little. Oops, lol!

Living in Boise, ID definitely has its perks…in the Fall, there are some very cool events I look forward to: Art in the Park, Hyde Park Street Fair, the NAMI Walk. All in September too!

I’ve also been making an effort to include concerts back into my life. I used to go to at least 3 or 4 shows every year but, as I got older, poorer, more bogged down with my “responsibilities”, I went less and less. That has definitely changed for me. Going back to my rock n’ roll roots has been just the ticket.

I do have to freak out for a second here: the new band/rock star crush I have had for the past several months (and been driving everyone crazy with) announced a tour just last week annnnnnd, Boise is the 4th stop. Even better? VIP packages were available for a “meet and greet” before the show. UM? Seriously? The hottest guy I’ve seen in years is just gonna let me walk up to him for $40?!?!

Excuse me while I breathe into this paper bag for a moment…

My trip to Texas is happening during Halloween!!!! I cannot wait, seriously – it’s all I think about anymore. 12 days of baby-free, adult fun with my BFF in a new city, with new adventures. Hurry, hurry, hurry!

And, even more exciting? I am about to celebrate my ONE YEAR anniversary with my amazing job. One year? Wow, that went fast.

Time sure flies when life is going right!

Fall always signifies a “time of change” to me. I know most people see this change in seasons that way. There have definitely been some changes in my life but also, some personal ones on the horizon. I have this surge of creative energy coming through right now and more than that? I’ve noticed my good ol’ “rebellious” nature gaining momentum. This, I love. So very thankful that as humans, we can always change, learn, evolve and be born again.

 

True-isms

One’s true nature is…well, their true nature. It’s not something you can fight. You can tweak it a bit, or try to ignore it but it always, always comes back with a vengeance. And why deny it? Life is definitely better when you’re being REAL.

Over the past few years, I found that I was altering myself. Not just my looks but in my personality. I was too extreme, too dramatic, too non-conventional. The judgements were fast and furious. I was a mom so I had to “act a certain way.” I worked in the corporate world so I was expected to “tone it down” and blah, blah, blah. God forbid I should just be myself and enjoy my life, right?

Lately, I have this mentality: D G A F.

Don’t know what that means? Go look it up.

Do I act like a teenager? Yes. Yes I do and I LOVE it. I know what responsiblity is, I do it very well. I am an excellent mother, a hard worker (I am a manager and I kick ass.) I am also the best friend/family member you could ever have because I am genuine, loyal and open-minded. Am I bragging a bit? Yep.

There is an enormous amount of freedom and peace that comes with just not caring what everyone else thinks of you. And marching to your own “beat”?

Priceless ♥

Goddess/”Goth” Fest, 2012

One of the traditions I now adhere to every year is attending the GoddessFest in Boise, ID during the summer. It’s a 2 day event in the park with booths, crafts, tarot readings, spiritual reminders, trinkets, and…add to that, face-painting and belly dancing. all next to an incredible flower garden. It’s always amazing =)

Today, my best friend and my daughter attended and fun was had by all! Check it out…

{Oh, and the “Goth” part of the title? Well, leave it to ME to make it goth…still happens everywhere I go. First, we spot Elvira, then my daughter demands a bat to be painted on her face. Let’s not forget to mention, I look goth no matter what I do/don’t do. It’s a curse I’m willing to live with…. ;)}

Half of summer, gone.

Every year I promise myself that this summer will be better than last. For once, I’ve not been disappointed.
Already 2012 has blown 2011 out of the water. If that sounds a little “competitive” it should – always striving to be a better person and have a better life is a GOOD thing!

Even though mine and Berlyn’s California vacation fell through, it was a blessing in disguise. Strange how life works sometimes, huh? I was upset at the time, but quickly realized it would have been the wrong time to go. It also means I wouldn’t have met a certain handsome someone either…only time will tell if this is good or bad, LOL. (I’m totally kidding, by the way.) =)

Speaking of, Mr. Handsome and I are officially “exclusive”, but have yet to reach “Facebook status”…which, is okay by me. I’d rather have something real and genuine – like, a mature and grown-up relationship for once. {What is that even? Haha. I’ve never known! Finally finding out}. I like that we are taking our time, too many people feel the need to rush into a “label” and then they wonder why it doesn’t work out. Even if it doesn’t work out for us, I’m still having fun. That’s what life is all about.

It always amuses me to no end – you can be single for years (as I have been) but, the SECOND you meet someone, the other guys come out of the woodwork. Needless to say, some funny shit has gone down in the past month and I just laugh and laugh and laugh at how ridiculous some “men” can act…..

As usual, my job is high stress but always rewarding and at the end of the day, I feel so blessed. My position recently got re-structured; in a good way. I am always so thankful to have co-workers and a boss that I genuinely LOVE and care about..and enjoy seeing everyday =)

Berlyn is nearing kindergarten – one more month!!! I am about 10x’s more nervous than she is…why is that?! She is busy as ever too – she rarely sits still,  is always creating something and gets more and more social by the day.

Sometimes, she just wipes out…it’s inevitable, lol:

There has been no shortage of fun in my life either. One week, while Berlyn was with Daddy, I had plans every single night except one. I was exhausted. I am not usually known for being a social butterfly but, I enjoyed all the activity – even though my house went untouched for a week.

One person who amuses me to no end is my sister in law. We recently had a little “back and forth” going on when she sent me a Nickelback CD, unmarked, in the mail. I hate Nickelback…like, DESPISE them. I think people who listen to them are gross (haha, no offense.) So, naturally she sent me their CD. Just to piss me off. I got my revenge, in a manner of speaking, when my parents had a yard sale:

Add to this, we decided to go see “Magic Mike.”

I have never, ever laughed so hard in one evening. It was the worst movie I have seen – and the only thing(s) that saved it were 1. Matthew McConaughey and 2. Joe Manganiello. At one point, I got so excited, I knocked a soda into my sister in law’s lap, which made us laugh even harder. When the “dirty dance” scenes came back on, she exclaimed “I feel like I’m on a roller coaster!”…talk about high blood pressure…lord almighty. I normally do not conduct myself this way. I am certainly boy crazy. And even though men that look like that don’t usually “do it for me”, that made no difference. We came out of that theatre giggling like schoolgirls and sweating. Even better? I had just gotten “Fifty Shades of Grey” in the mail that morning, and my sister in law decided to read me a really dirty passage out of it, as we were sitting in the parking lot, with the windows down. Very loudly, and in her best “Christian Grey” voice, she recited something very lewd as a couple was walking by my car. I thought I was going to pee my pants.

(Just a heads up, “Total Recall” {COLIN. “SEXY BEAST”. FARRELL} will be in the theatres August 3rd. My sister in law and I are going…and I can only imagine what mayhem is going to ensue….probably have to be hauled away by an ambulance, LOL!)

I’ve also begun attending a meditation group, which – go figure – is hosted by a certain handsome someone =) I am really enjoying getting to spend time with new and like-minded individuals…and I’m learning so much! Being around intelligent, open and just cool people is so wonderful.

Til next time! I have a ton of plans coming up in the next few months, can’t wait to share! =)

Embracing flaws Part One

How many of you have things about yourself you hate? Are embarrassed about, wish you could change?

Have you ever thought about WHY you hate them? Chances are they are the very things people love about you.

I’ve spent countless years getting down on myself. I was too emotional, too impulsive, too dramatic, too something or other! It gets exhausting when you limit yourself in the effort to please other people and don’t realize that there are actually benefits to being the way you are.

Too emotional? I’d rather feel what I feel (and feel too much sometimes) than be a dry, void of a person.

Saw this quote and need to share: “Emotions are what make us human. Make us real. The word ’emotion’ stands for energy in motion. Be truthful about your emotions, and use your mind and emotions in your favor, not against yourself.”

Too impulsive? Because of this, I have many, MANY amazing memories and stories. Truly priceless, really. I could never be accused of being boring!

Too dramatic? That’s really in the eye of the beholder and, as I previously said, I’d rather be too much than not enough. Life is about PASSION, people. Drama comes with the territory if you are really living, know what I mean?

Too black and white (extremist)? This, I fall victim to. There are many situations I find myself feeling “in the middle” or “grey” on (politics, religion, etc) BUT when it comes to others, I go to extremes. I like this about myself. It means I have an opinion. It also means I know where I stand. And I usually do not waffle.

See? All good things come from what we perceive as being “bad” sometimes.

What do all of you struggle with?